Up close and personal

Have you ever come through a feeling when you could feel the elation in the world around you, you can smell the fragrance of the wind blowing your way..have you ever felt it..the so called inner peace! Well thats a big no for me.Why cant everything just fall into its place for just this once.Why when everything 's going alright, all i could think is to crash and burn.
Sometimes i get the feeling maybe it is because of some guilt ,some unfinished business.But i still cant think of what it is n where it is.This feeling of insecurity for no reason is a killer.The feeling when somebody just looks at you with an awkward looking face, you wish you could put a bullet hole in his head.Or else you could bludgeon  him to death.And while everyone will stand there n watch,scared.You will laugh with scorn.No feeling of remorse..or any other humanly feeling..Anger ,pain, betrayal, hatred..these are the only real emotions to be felt.
How i have come to this..what have i become..why cant i return to be the carefree guy i once used to be.Where is that damned inner peace.Why do i feel just lyk killing half the world.Some say 'violence is never the answer'..then what is it..I have tried love..and i don't believe it worked.I ceased to believe in it.I don't remember when i last came across a feeling that din't involve hurting others.I have become selfish.I really don't care for anyone.
I feel like i have lost my integrity..the very last inch of it.I just need to feel something..anything..that is real enough to pull me through all this.I don't have the slightest idea what it is but i believe i really need it.I don't see this happening anytime soon.But i just can't give up hope of it..'cause hope is all i really have now..It was always all i really had..

Invisible truth

If someone asks us to define 'darkness'. .we sure have heard of it.Most of us will simply say darkness is the 'absence of light'.We can't measure it or define it independently but we all know it exists.Same goes for 'cold' that is absence of heat.The point is that there are many things in life that exist because we believe they exist.It can be said that a person who is delusional enough to live in his own world of dreams and believes it to be true is as sane as any other practical person in this world.

There are many allegations in our lives,the invisible truths, that exist 'cause we believe in them.Truth that can't be explained.Why we are refreshed by the fragrance of a flower.Why do we love to live in beautiful colors.Why a laughing baby puts a smile on our face too.Why sometimes some other persons's happiness gives us the tears of joy.Why the rain sometimes urges us to dance and sometimes the same rains makes us sad.Why the rage running all over our body is calmed down by the mere glimpse of gentle eyes.Why we get a strange feeling when we are with someone and the feeling fades when that someone is gone.Why we believe in god and his plans for us.Why we hope for a miracle even when all odds are against it.These beautiful truths have been and always will be a part of our lives.Well actually these truths are the times we really lived!

Some times these truths fade.We become,what we call, more mechanical.Anything may cause that..loss,betrayal,loneliness,heartbreak..these emotions are large enough to force a person to stop believing and step into the dark.But as we know the darkness doesn't exist! We heard a lot that time can heal all wounds.Maybe it does.But it doesn't wash away the scars.Sometimes we need more than just the truth.Sometimes all it takes is a leap of faith.And the funny thing about faith is that you cannot explain it.You just have it! So throw the odds out the window..What you believe is true!!