In the end

Sometimes I dream about the days I used to walk 200 m towards college like a zombie cursing my life. But when I reached up to the corner, I saw her standing, waiting for me. As i walk close to her, I could begin to see a pretty smile on her face. No complaints. No regrets. No discontent. And my heart skips a beat. I never let my fantasy go beyond that.

However smart you think you are. No matter how much maturity is stuffed inside you. Life still finds a way to slap you in your face. You like to enjoy the burns of the cleansing fire so much that you start to miss the pain when the flame is gone. And you just lie wondering what went wrong? Why did I do it?

In my dream, I wanted to run to her, hug her tight, and whisper to her 'I will never let you go'. But I fear that if i take one step closer, she will fade. Or I could see someone else standing beside her. I wait for her to wave to me, call my name. But for some godforsaken reason, she doesn't.

Its a funny thing that when a person is with you can't help but criticize her for her fallacies, but when she's gone she seems to be the most precious thing in the world. Time drains all the love and empathy from inside you. And you voluntarily cut the chord of the last thing that connects you to the real world. And I stand there convincing myself that I was just there to help. That's what I do. I was never supposed to get involved. In the end I must feel lucky that I used to know you. And you were beautiful..

Complicated common sense

The other day one of my very good friends just told something we all commonly believe. There is always a balance in the grand scheme of things. Karma. As you soy you may reap. Light at the end of the tunnel and stuff. I also somewhat used to believe that. I mean its quite obvious nothing's forever. Whether its grief or joy it will turn into the other at some point of time. But then I remembered an incident not much while back. There was a boy, good bright kid, somewhere around in his teenage.He got in a bad car accident. Died on spot. He was the only child of his folks. I knew his parents. Nothing out of ordinary, cool, loving people. I have gone with this over my mind many times but I just cannot see how the balance of nature will pull a logic out of it. A couple of people who have worked hard and gave everything they could to their only son, looses him. The reason for which they lived their lives, made sacrifices has come to nothing. And the worst part is they have to spend the rest of their lives with this truth. Does it not urges you to question your common sense? Is there really any balance out there or just the illusion of it? Is it all random or fate?

For the sake of giving an explanation people will say things like "Everything happens for a reason". So can we infer that the reason behind this whole 'accident' was to provide a never ending pain till death to a couple of old people? Some saintly guys will comment that "A man cannot find peace(God) till he gives up all his worldly belongings". So here is a question to them. If we are all supposed to let go off this 'physical' world to meet the divine then which in hell did God took the pains to create such a huge universe and send a man to enjoy it ! Some say, and I truly second it, "The choices we make, makes us who we are".But I don't think its true always because I am quite sure that he did not choose to die ! So to sum up we can say that he was sent to earth to live his life, study hard, get in a good college, celebrate and die. He was not supposed to invent a cure for cancer or something. He was not supposed to discover some new planet in outer space. He was not supposed to get married, have kids. He may have wished to do one or more of the above but all his dreams died with him.

As always there is not all darkness and gloom in this world. Our Creator gave us a very valuable gift to deal with any kind of situation we may face - "Perspective". Let me explain with an example.There was a girl who recently had a very bad break up. She keeps on saying that 'this is the worst thing that will ever happen to her'. Now compare this situation with the previous one. Isn't the latter seems quite absurd now? Is it now unworthy of a guey to be down when he doesn't get his dream job knowing that there is a person who is ready to serve tables in order to avoid begging for rest of his life? Is it not primitive to be disappointed at not getting your favorite cuisine for dinner when there are people who are unsure of feeding their family tonight? But who can fight the human nature. However minute it may sound but rejection hurts, failure sucks and heartbreaks kill. And the worst part is there is no way to let go of this pain. We just need to find a way to live with it. 

Our country does not need a hero

After being aloof for the larger part of my life, I have lately acquired a trivial interest of knowing the world around me.It occured to me that the news didn't change much over the years..corruption is still at large, booming industrial sector, "Khan"s still rule the Bollywood and  our leaders are still The underachievers.That's the prime reason I had lost my interest in newspapers for first time.You can't expect any news to break the monotony!

A teenage girl gets molested by about 30 fully grown men.A guy gets beaten, shot to death and robbed by two guys in one of the most busiest areas of the city.The Odisha rape victim is in coma, the rapist roams free.The Mansa rape victim, just 17 year old, was booked along with her rapists merely for the charges of 'loitering'.In the same area of Punjab,some years ago, an activist-cum-singer got his limbs chopped off for supporting his daughter to pursue a rape case.On the other hand, our "respected" leader Mrs Gandhi becomes the world's fourth richest politician, as stated in Business Insider.Various other Indian politicians are soon to join the rich-club.Quite an achievement, isn't it?

We all know that there is something terribly wrong with this country. Some choose to look on the brighter side of things but I wish there were one for the victims' families and the people whose lives have been uprooted by the corrupt elements of the society.There is an obvious resentment in the hearts of many.Some criticize the government, some take a short-lived stand, some update their FB status, some blog about it (like myself!) and others just choose to stick to the Glamour and Sports updates!

Who are these people destroying our world? Well if you are looking for the guilty you just need to look into the mirror! I know there is a more than valid reason for it. Who would want to screw up there easy going lives for someone else. Why would a common man ,with a family to look after ,shall go after anyone allegedly backed by a politician/mafia.In this state of fear, we seek a saviour, who can deliver us from an 'evil' created by ourselves. Unable to find a hero, we reluctantly elect from ourselves a leader.A leader who promises us 'peace' in return of our 'silence', who promises us 'justice' in return of our 'rights'. There comes an ephemeral peace followed by worse than former conditions.Then we take our cry for justice to judiciary.And then comes a decade of frustrating pushed up dates in courts.By the time they reach a verdict, both the victims and the culprit had lived most of their lives in shame and luxury respectively.And then too there is no assurance of justice.

These facts does not undermine the supremacy of the constitution.They just reveal the drawbacks of the people.It just doesn't seem logical that how more than  a thousand people get intimidated by a dozen wrong-doers.Alan Moore said,"People should not be afraid of their government, Government should be afraid of their people." Isn't it better to judge such atrocities yourselves than leaving them to the loop-bound judiciary?
Many people say,"Our country is a mess".Well there is news for you,"You have to clean up your own mess!"
There is no point waiting for a 'Justice League' or an Extraordinary human or the wrath of God to solve all our problems.Just words won't do anymore.We've gotta look at the bigger picture here.We can no longer rely on our elected leaders 'cause we know there was no better alternative while choosing them.The fate of these abominations must rest in the hands of people itself. So for those who have had enough , Speak up, Act, Intervene.You won't be doing it for the people, you will be doing it for yourselves. And for those who are still not moved and choose to stick to the verdict-Shit happens!-go on waiting long enough to see yourself become the victim.Its time to turn ourselves from mere audience to the judge and executioners.It's not a revenge, it's retaliation.'Cause we are the ones who deserve to choose our own fate not some sociopath scumbags.

"Through suffering comes redemption, 

From sorrow comes exultation,

Through the pitch dark comes the cleansing fire,

And through the fire we shall find the spring of new life."

Walking into Obscurity

I thought it would be adventurous to just stroll my way through the foggy path.I never realized that its fuzziness will increase exceptionally..I try to look back but all i could see is blind haze..Suddenly, I am blank..I can't think of what i was expecting..what did i really want...I am supposed to walk this boulevard alone.I can't give up..I can't loose my mind..i can't fall behind in this "human race"..I don't know whats waiting for me at the end..i don't know if there is an end..but the worst thing is i don't even know if it is the path i was supposed to walk? Is this what i really wanted? Is this what i always wished for? and then again is it too late for a self-realization? Do i not deserve to walk away? Are there no happy endings?
Clueless i call for help..I hope that someone might call my name..maybe wave..a face i know..anyone..  But i guess it is too much to expect. Maybe my voice is too faint to be heard.. maybe this obscurity is so dense that my call could not penetrate through...or maybe there is no one at the end who is gonna listen to me..
There is a stillness in the air..as if the world is urging me to make a choice.I can head back hoping to start it all over again..or i can cling on faith and just finish what i started...

Its a strange feeling when we realize we were always supposed to walk this path alone..We sure meet people, be with them, laugh with them, love them and but eventually we let them go..There comes a point in life when we just call all our shots but somehow we can't find our self in the right place.



I don't believe that any angels are watching over us, guiding us on our righteous path. I know
that my feelings are insignificant and vague in this big world .It doesn't matter if anyone understands me or the endless screams and untold wishes remain hidden under this numbness. I am not looking for some divine miracle to set things right for me.I don't need a hero i just want someone..anyone..who , for once,will come to me and assure me that it is gonna be alright.

The last goodbye..

Stay and wait..or pack and leave..Its time now.Time for the last hugs, time for our eyes to witness the last fading sun in this place..I know its nothing new.Happens all the time..but its like leaving home all over again.
Its a strange feeling when you see a face..and you are almost sure that you are not gonna see that face ever again. We sure did have our time..but its never enough..it never will be.The echoes of our laughter, maddening screams will always be buried in this walls. Learnt a million things in this term..some things worth remembering and others worth dying for.

Things are surely never gonna be same again..You are going to step outside a world to walk into another.While returning home you will realize that there is nothing different  about it..the only thing changed is you..You realize that there is something more than just me and you.This is the time when most of us take refuge under hope. I too hope to see their faces again. I hope someday somewhere we will meet again, plan again, laugh again, fight again. I hope that goodbyes are not forever.This hope goes to live on forever with the memories.

Although we loose a lot leaving this place but there a last moment...one little moment.. we say our last goodbye to friends..remembering their faces as they are..as we drive on into the night. Many things are gonna cease from now on, but no one can take away that moment from us..and in this moment we can hope maybe there's never gonna be a last one after all !..

A little too much

An overnight transition from nothingness to everything has become quite normal these days.For one moment you are crawling through the day waiting for it to end somehow. And in the next, you live a lifetime!..Its funny how you see yourself change with the wind and just do nothing about it.
Sometimes we cover our faces with this thick mask of insensitivity for so long, that we forget the presence of any emotions behind it. Its heartbreaking when you find that the thing you believed in for so long was not really worth it.Our faith gets such a big blow from time to time.The real problem is we just cant stop seeking some  vindication, some supernatural explanation to the happenings we encounter.From here our journey can be bifurcated in two possibilities.Either we linger with our minor hope and wait for it to diminish into nothing.Or we can get lucky and experience something so powerful, so remarkably ecstatic that will fuel back our faith to its peak and ,though only for the briefest of moments, we are not confused!
After all these years i have learnt one thing.. whatever happens to us, wherever we go, whatever we do..at most points of our life, we will be alone..Sure looks like a depressing lesson but on the contrary these are the most important times of our life.They define us, change us, make us choose.These are the times when we give up seeking companionship.These are the times we seek redemption. Solitude is the worst 'gift' given to us.It is definitely not a  hiding place for introverts.Its a place where we can think, cry, scream, sing, dance or do whatever we wanna do.When its just a little too much out there, we can remove our worldly mask..and in that moment of our life..we can be free.

Up close and personal

Have you ever come through a feeling when you could feel the elation in the world around you, you can smell the fragrance of the wind blowing your way..have you ever felt it..the so called inner peace! Well thats a big no for me.Why cant everything just fall into its place for just this once.Why when everything 's going alright, all i could think is to crash and burn.
Sometimes i get the feeling maybe it is because of some guilt ,some unfinished business.But i still cant think of what it is n where it is.This feeling of insecurity for no reason is a killer.The feeling when somebody just looks at you with an awkward looking face, you wish you could put a bullet hole in his head.Or else you could bludgeon  him to death.And while everyone will stand there n watch,scared.You will laugh with scorn.No feeling of remorse..or any other humanly feeling..Anger ,pain, betrayal, hatred..these are the only real emotions to be felt.
How i have come to this..what have i become..why cant i return to be the carefree guy i once used to be.Where is that damned inner peace.Why do i feel just lyk killing half the world.Some say 'violence is never the answer'..then what is it..I have tried love..and i don't believe it worked.I ceased to believe in it.I don't remember when i last came across a feeling that din't involve hurting others.I have become selfish.I really don't care for anyone.
I feel like i have lost my integrity..the very last inch of it.I just need to feel something..anything..that is real enough to pull me through all this.I don't have the slightest idea what it is but i believe i really need it.I don't see this happening anytime soon.But i just can't give up hope of it..'cause hope is all i really have now..It was always all i really had..