Life and the death of memories..

There is a time in life when we wish to become a distant star in the sky that can just watch people laugh, have fun,live their life...and we could just find the divine content in their happiness.Without even letting our existence known to them.Today i understand how it is the worst experience one can ever imagine.People close to me say it was none of my mistake.Even i try to convince myself it wasn't.That means i am supposed to be angry, or rather furious to those who made my life hell.But i want to confess something.Yes, i was mad like a mad dog at the way things went.I cursed the fate.And the people reminding me about it.But in the end, all i am is upset.Because in all this i lost something.My memories.And that is the most precious belonging of human being.I am watching my memories burn in to hell fire.And i am standing so close to the fire that it hurts me strikingly.

The saddest truth of life is that we get to decide what memories to build upon, but we don't have a say in which of them will stay clean and worth remembering.I know i don't have a clean slate.Confession doesn't wash away the guilt, not of that i ruined lives but that i wasn't strong enough to protect the memories that i never wanted to fade.I know i will move on.I always do.But sadly i will never be able to besmear this blind spot in my brain..
And the worst part is i don't want the things to go back to normal.I m not going to commit the same mistake again.'cause mistake aren't committed twice.The second time its a choice.I want to crash and burn.I want to let go.I want to be out of this world where truth and trust are mere words.Where people forget every good memories they share on the introduction of one bitter one.Where the trust falls in a single blow and all good things you did become your so called master plan to ruin others life.I am not innocent.But there is nothing in this world that i hate more than wrong accusation.It kills you.I wanna die and get reborn again.I wanna be free.I want to sleep and forget.I want to dream again.I know my whining will not get me any where but i wanna break down these wall closing in on me.

I do believe that everything happens for the best.i just wish i could see the best in this.A day from now i will be 21.Its really been so long.I saw love, pain, passion, trust, betrayal, adventure, life, death and much more.God knows what else the future has in store for me.Just returned to where i began."What goes round comes around".."The circle of life"..the epic ironies.I may have laughed at them, if i remembered how..