Last regrets

Imagine sitting under a tree, surrounded by endless grasslands.You would stare at nothingness for hours.'cause nobody is there with you.You will be waiting for someone to appear..anyone..But you will give up the wait at some point of time.And there will always remain a regret, maybe you needed to wait for some more time..maybe you would have seen someone appearing at the horizon..a familiar face..a face you were longing for.That someone may wave at you..or maybe call your name..or run towards you...or that someone may just vanish in the winds.

Maybe you didn't get enough time.The time you deserved.To be with someone, to feel alive, to take chances, to make mistakes.You can regret forever for that or you can choose to be thankful for whatever time you got.Maybe you didn't get what you hoped for and you start to live your life in denial.You get hypochondriac..darkness-loving..creepy kind of person.You start spending most of your time in introspection and become a people-hater.

You gotta keep walking though..'cause you belong to the human "race" and you really can't afford losing it.All the time we keep longing for a connection..a moment when time slows down a bit and you begin to feel alive again.You wait for a person who tends to understand you more than you do yourself.You wait for being connected.

There might be a lot of things you wish you never did.Its ok.Its perfectly normal to make mistakes.But you need to understand that you and only you make it all right before its too late.You can change things.Make different choices..redeem yourself.'cause if its too late then you wont be able to let go of this regret all your life.Who knows maybe today is the last day ( I sure hope its not) to say "I am sorry" to someone..the last day to say "i forgive you"..the last day to say "I miss you"..the last day to say "I love you"...maybe after today one of you or the connection between you may cease to exist..and you may forever be left with the last regrets and late goodbyes...

Life and the death of memories..

There is a time in life when we wish to become a distant star in the sky that can just watch people laugh, have fun,live their life...and we could just find the divine content in their happiness.Without even letting our existence known to them.Today i understand how it is the worst experience one can ever imagine.People close to me say it was none of my mistake.Even i try to convince myself it wasn't.That means i am supposed to be angry, or rather furious to those who made my life hell.But i want to confess something.Yes, i was mad like a mad dog at the way things went.I cursed the fate.And the people reminding me about it.But in the end, all i am is upset.Because in all this i lost something.My memories.And that is the most precious belonging of human being.I am watching my memories burn in to hell fire.And i am standing so close to the fire that it hurts me strikingly.

The saddest truth of life is that we get to decide what memories to build upon, but we don't have a say in which of them will stay clean and worth remembering.I know i don't have a clean slate.Confession doesn't wash away the guilt, not of that i ruined lives but that i wasn't strong enough to protect the memories that i never wanted to fade.I know i will move on.I always do.But sadly i will never be able to besmear this blind spot in my brain..
And the worst part is i don't want the things to go back to normal.I m not going to commit the same mistake again.'cause mistake aren't committed twice.The second time its a choice.I want to crash and burn.I want to let go.I want to be out of this world where truth and trust are mere words.Where people forget every good memories they share on the introduction of one bitter one.Where the trust falls in a single blow and all good things you did become your so called master plan to ruin others life.I am not innocent.But there is nothing in this world that i hate more than wrong accusation.It kills you.I wanna die and get reborn again.I wanna be free.I want to sleep and forget.I want to dream again.I know my whining will not get me any where but i wanna break down these wall closing in on me.

I do believe that everything happens for the best.i just wish i could see the best in this.A day from now i will be 21.Its really been so long.I saw love, pain, passion, trust, betrayal, adventure, life, death and much more.God knows what else the future has in store for me.Just returned to where i began."What goes round comes around".."The circle of life"..the epic ironies.I may have laughed at them, if i remembered how..

Back to you

When entertainment turns into a surreal reflection of your life,you would be a lucky man to laugh at it..
The things which were once fit for our laughter, become the ironical part of our life.You can't runaway from it..'cause you are the one who dug up this pit to eventually fall into it.There are somethings in this world that we cannot understand.Things we never wanted to choose..how we feel.But it was never for us to decide.
Sometimes, the world becomes too small for comfort.The wait for a 'happy ending' lingers all the way.It feels like there are no choices in this world.Nothing but a straight line.Illusion comes afterwards when we look back upon ourselves, and ask 'why me' or 'what if'..Its like looking back on a forked lightening tracing back our own steps to nothingness.Different choices would not have made much of a difference.We would standing at the same place, just asking a different set of questions..
I read somewhere, that if you wanna serve in heaven, then just do good to its very extreme..and if you wanna reign in hell then just fall to the deepest and the darkest pits of sin.The two doors are less than a hand's reach to man for all there life.But still we spend most of our life standing at the crossroads of stairway to heaven and highway to hell immersed in the hangover of our own feelings.
People say 'love and be loved'..is that it? the truth..Live for it, kill for it, even die for it..Is this our salvation?
And what if its just a dream from which you will wake up someday and you will find no rescue waiting for you.What if you come back to reality and don't find your love there.What if your loneliness suddenly turns into a nothingness.And you keep on wondering what  the hell did just happen?
They'll say that life has its complications.Its never easy.But are we really ready and willing to take that risk?Yes...we always are.There something in this that makes us stay.Some memories.Not necessarily all good.But all worth having.We willingly step into it but then it becomes out of the power of our free will.Its always a dilemma when being in it.Will I able to trace my steps back to you? Has it strength enough to guide me back home?..Logically everything should fall into its place if we give it sometime..Logic is such a liar..But the hope to our happiness will keep us going on...and you will make me stay!!

All good things

"What truly is logic? Who decides reason? My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional, and back. I've made the most important discovery of my life. It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found."-The beautiful mind


I remember watching this movie in 2001 or maybe 02.Its funny that years have passed, and suddenly now i get to understand this quote by John Nash.Its not that i lacked the brains then but they say that we can believe in something only when we experience it.The hardest patch of time in one's life is when he fails to understand the difference between reality and imagination.Whenever he starts to believe in one thing the world always takes a turn for surreal.Smothered by the circumstances he starts to doubt the very existence of the most powerful emotion in this world : Love.


Am i not supposed to fall in love? Am i someone who can't know how it feels? Am i someone who can't be trusted with love? Am i not supposed to laugh or cry for the one i love? Suddenly all these questions become mere empty words! Just a mist of my imagination.Do you wanna know whats real?...The way i feel when i hold your hand, thats real, the way i feel when i see the smile on your face, thats real, the way i feel when i hear the sound of your laughter, thats real, the way i feel when i hear you saying 'i love u', thats real.Its real for me..'cause i believe in it.You give me hope.You make me realize that i was just being stupid when i was thinking of those questions.Your touch pushes me to the farthest heights of happiness.You make me experience the immense power of love which makes us the rulers of this world.You make me believe that we are the only ones who have and who could have ever experienced a feeling like this.You make me realize that good things can happen to me too.And you are the reasons for all good things.Your smile is the reason for my happiness.You touch is the reason for my faith.The moments i spend with you are the reason for me to believe that i am the happiest and the luckiest person on the planet.I just want you to understand that you are the reason i am...you are all my reasons!!!!!!

Perfect memory

I was in school.It was 8th of may.We had a celebration of mother's day in our school.I insisted my mom not to come saying that no one really bothers to come.Actually the real reason behind it was that i got scared that my mom would hear about my not-so-famous tales in the school by my teachers.I attended the celebration.It was surprisingly awesome.I wished my mom could see it.I felt real guilt about not inviting her due to my stupid fear.I went home.Hours passed but i just could not get over that guilt.Finally, when i couldn't take it any more ,i stepped out of home and went to buy something for my mom.I bought her a gift.And when i got back home, and saw that she was alone in her room, i mustered the courage to go to her and give her that gift.I was not that smart to choose an appropriate gift for her, well i was not that financially strong either.Come on..i was in school, you can't expect me to buy a gold necklace or platinum ring!Whatever,she just unwrapped the gift.It was a doll.How much more stupid a gift can there be! But to my utter amazement she loved it! i am not saying it because she told me so, but i m sure of it 'cause i could see it in her eyes.Obviously, she didn't expect anything like that from me.She was delighted.She showed it to everyone else around.Came back and hugged me.Years have passed.Memories have burred.But i just can't forget that day, that glow on her face, that delight, that moment worth lasting.

We are very lucky to be born in this world where we can make perfect memories like these without any limit.It is said that the most memorable moments in our life are when we feel some thing we never felt before.We do things we never did before.We meet people with a different point of view..people who change your perspective of things, who drive you out of the wreckage where you have given in, who show you that whatever battles are raging inside us there is always a choice, who show you that there is hope.You asked me what you do to me?..You give me memories.These moment where you wish that time could just freeze.Memories made up of your smile, your happiness.I wish you could just understand the feelings of the bumps in my heart when i listen to the sound of your laughter.I wish you could feel the gravity of every moment that i spend with you.I wish you could see the most beautiful face on earth when accompanied with a smile like i do.I wish you could just trade places with me and experience that heavenly feeling being with someone like you..What you do to me? You give me the assurance that even though if the world slips through my fingers, even if the sun seems tired, even if i have a big fall and the earth doesn't make a sound..you will be there.That is the best thing you could have ever given to me.I will be ever grateful for these treasured memories.Thank you for making my world better than its ever been.Somethings never change.I am so glad they don't.That is why its very important that you understand that i will be there tomorrow,the next day and the day after, you just have to say 'stay'...

The tumultous solitude

Life is good.Its ecstatic to have everyone around.Cheers and content exults you all the time.Its like a dream come true.Or it can be said 'the' dream coming true.But dreams have a nasty habit of going bad when you are not looking.You get that old familiar feeling yet again.You make the wrong moves, let the evil overpower.Its like trying to piece together a broken mirror to have a look at yourself.Your image shifts with it, and you may cut yourself in the act of finding yourself.And the weird thing is its nobody's fault.If you wanna have a look at the guilty, you just need to look in the mirror.The smart thing to do is ignore it, just walk away.But you are not that smart always.

You may have your buddies nosing around graciously all the time.You may have your parents with their never ending inquisition.You may have your love worrying about you all the time.You may have the world running along with you always.But they can't always be there.You can never run from the feeling.If it has been a greater part of your life then it wont just wear off by itself.It may seem like a stretch but thoughts like this always cross the mind when you are away.The sad thing is sometimes you are so far past the point-of-no-return that you couldn't remember what it looked like when you passed it.You don't wanna go back.But the tragic thing is its not always about what you want, but what you need.You will get a tsunami of these confounding thoughts that you have tried to put in the box for a long time.You are pushed back to get raveled inside your own mind.This may seem like nightmare sneaking back on you.In a night mare every choice you make is the wrong one.You feel like yourself back in the gaping hole of your past.You would think that you are damned.

On the contrary, Its not the case anymore.Sometimes we get lucky and things change.This time your solitude will not pose threat to your present joy but will make you realize the importance of it.There is a small voice in your head which says you should be glad.Some say you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye.Well, its your solitude that made this revelation before its time.At least you've something to be grateful for.You will get a strong desire to hold your love tightly in your arms and let everything go.You wont care about any grudges or past battles, you will just run into her arms to feel alive again.There lies the difference.Its not like that you haven't been in the dark before.But this time you have all the strength in the world to hope for the light.

Cold laws of cause and effect

Here is a short story i heard from someone a long time ago.I can't remember his name though.Its funny how sometimes people who make the deepest impression on you are hardest to remember.Its was a story about a girl.She was beautiful.But sadly her beauty was stained by grief and ills of her life.Her parents abandoned her when she was 18.An age to live the life was replaced by cold days in hell for her.She met betrayal, hate, agony, failure at every step she took.And the worst part is she could not even understand where did she go wrong? She felt lonely like hell, full of despair, lost all the reasons to live.

Well, though her life was full of dark times, there was a silver lining too.He had someone who was quite close to her, who could relieve some of her pain.A boy, who loved her.At least he thought he did.And she also loved him back.He wanted to be with her, to have a normal life with her but sadly her past always kept sneaking up to her.She could just not let go of the pain of the people who left her, all alone.The boy didn't want to give up on her.To make her life better, became his only reason to live for.He tried his best to relieve her from everything.He tried to make things normal so that he could have her forever.But still he just could not see the untainted smile on her face, the ultimate exultation.

One day, frustrated, he went for a walk to the church.He knelt down upon his knees before God and screamed "Why can't i get what i deserve?".While he was kneeling on the floor out of no where a priest appeared with bedazzling robes and possessing a divine aura.He spoke in a deep voice to the boy,"Tell me son, what do you want?".Guessing by his appearance, the boy took him as some type of divine incarnation.He instantly begged to him to just make the girl he loved happy.The priest replied that he could do that but also warned him about the laws of cause and effect.If he happen to cause his wish upon the girl there will be some effect on his life too.He thought that this was all he ever wanted so he was ready to put every thing at stake.Seeing the boy's determination the priest replied,"So be it".He, then invited the boy to look into her new life.Amazed and bewildered, he obeyed.But when he saw it he was totally taken aback.She was in the arms of a guy.He couldn't recognize him but he could surely see true love for him in the girl's eyes.He was dumbfounded.Now he understood the cold laws of cause of effect.She was happy but he couldn't be with her anymore.She wouldn't even recognize him anymore.With tears in his eyes he ran for her house to get his love back.

When he reached her house he found the door locked.He went round the back of the house to get in through the window.Suddenly he found himself standing in front of the window of her room.He saw her.She was beautiful.But there was something else.Her beauty was glowed by a smile on her face.He could sense the joy in her eyes.She closed her eyes ,said grace,"Oh lord, i thank you for the life you've given me,the happiness, the love, and i really wish that it stays like this forever"..There.He finally found it.The ultimate exultation on her face.Seeing her, he thought of cold laws of cause and effect.No matter how it came, he finally succeeded in his pursuit.He finally understood this was all he wanted.Staying with her was just not it, loving her was.He just wanted to see her happy and he did it.He couldn't be with her but it was alright.

Whatever you cause, there will be some effect.You just need to see it.You are always the master of your free will.You can just wander around running after whom you love, trying to be with them, having expectations from them.Or you can love someone all your life even if you get nothing in return.You can just hold her always or you can live your life in her one smile.It'll always  be your choice.Love is not just a feeling, its all about what you do.That is why it is called as 'Making love'..